Which Direction Should I Go?

I wonder sometimes where I am going. God must be moving me because every time I try and go somewhere the way is blocked. I have been trying to breed the dogs, something I love and that will bring in income and there is one obstacle after another. Maryland's heat is over, we missed it. We had her with a perfectly good male and he wouldn't take her. The chances of that are like one in a million. Now we have 2 males lined up for Megan and neither one seems to be working out. If I am "lucky" I will get to take her 110 miles each way and hope it works out. I keep thinking that it will not work out. That is my norm now. Also I found a way to sell the Arizona house but that doesn't seem to be working out either. I thought we could raffle it off. Pay the mortgage and the rest goes to charity but that is not working either. I can't find a charity to help and now they are saying that the charity would have to buy the house and couldn't pay more than market value for it anyway so we would still be in the hole. I am tired of working and trying to get ahead and it doesn't seem to work out. I don't want to be rich I just want security. Nothing is secure in my life. Every time Gordon looks tired I panic, I spend every day waiting for the other shoe to fall with Joshua. I don't know how we are going to ever get out from under that house. Gordon and I had been thinking if we could sell that house we could sell this one and afford to get a house with some land and settle down. Get some more dogs, make a niche for ourselves. There are no other breeders here and I could really make something successful out of it. I just don't see that happening right now. If we put the money into adding a room onto this house we will be here for a while. I get depressed. Gordon has a job he loves, the kids have friends and church and they are doing well. But I don't have anything for myself. I have lots for the kids and don't get me wrong, I am sooo grateful that things are going well for them but I need success for me too. I don't scrapebook anymore, I don't have time or budget for it. I don't do candles or beads or any of the things that I loved or made into a hobby/business. I need to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. I know what my job is for the family but I want to know what I should be doing for me. I don't know if that sounds right, I may not be saying it right.