Call 911 - Call 911

Ok, my sister-in-law said I should tell the ticket story and it does involve police but I think this is a better story. Yesterday morning I was in the shower and the doorbell rang. The children came up and told me that no one was there but there was "white foamy stuff on the door" I told them to lock it and I would come down and see about it. When I got dressed I came down and the foam was almost all dissolved but you could see it there. I then saw about 6 police cars and 2 teenagers in the street several houses down. I told the kids to stay in the house and went down the street. I asked the officers if these were the boys who sprayed my front door and they said they didn't know what I was talking about. I gave them a statement and asked if I could clean my door. They said to go ahead. I came home and Joshua cleaned the door for me. About an hour later the doorbell rang again. (you are right, I was not getting much done with all this ringing going on) It was the police with the boys and a roll of paper towels. They wanted to clean the door. I told them that it was already done and then told the boys that somebody always has to clean up the mess when they make bad choices. They tried to apologize and I told them they would have to apologize to Josh. I then explained that he was 9 and has a brain tumor and that you never know who is having to clean up your mess. I thought the one boy would cry when Josh came out and showed them his scar. They said sorry and promised to never do it again. It was probably mean to pull out the cancer card but it was priceless and I think they learned a lesson they will never forget. Also I think I made the officer's day, as they left I heard him say see what happens when you do things you shouldn't?
One funny thing about this story is that just the night before I commented to Gordon that in the first 9 months we lived in Nebraska the police came to our house 3 times (no - I never got arrested) and I thought that it was very quiet here in Texas. I can't believe that the very next morning I was dealing with the cops!
I guess the more things change the more they stay the same. I will let you know if that is a good thing.
PS. I did not get a ticket just a warning, thanks to my wonderful children. (refer to first sentence in this post)

More Ramblings, Read at your own Risk

I have been so down lately. There is no one that understands how I feel. I found out this week that one of my sister-in-laws is pregnant. (another is too) That is the best news ever! I am glad that both of them are expecting and can't wait to see these precious babies BUT (yes that is a big but ((hahahaha)) ) it is hard to see people going on with their lives. I am not going anywhere and I am frustrated. It is hard because a lot of people think that with Josh finishing chemo that everything will go back to normal and we will be ok. It doesn't work that way. This is never going to be over. We will be done chemo but there is always something to deal with and we still have the worry. Every decision in our lives in now made by this terrible monster. I wanted to go to a time out for woman meeting but I couldn't, we had appointments. I don't mind the sacrifice for Josh or the other children, that is more than ok, I just feel like everything is closing in. All the things I want or planned for just don't matter. I don't have anything to look forward to, now my life is reduced to taking care of the kids and waiting for the next obstacle that I need to overcome for them. I know I can't get pregnant, and yes I know that right now we don't have the energy for a little one but the thought of new life and hope sounds so wonderful. One of the things that I have lost in this fight is that, I did not think we were done having kids and everyone is very quick to tell me now that is not possible. It breaks my heart to think that maybe there was another baby but that door is now closed. That is kind of what I mean when I say I have lost my dreams. There are no choices now I just have to get through the days one by one.
I know that I have to get over feeling this way but it is not that easy. I will find a way, I have to for the children and Gordon but it doesn't change how I feel today. As for the new babies, I am not sad about them, how could I be? If I had heard that someone got a new job or any other great life changing news it would have been the same thing, How I feel is completely about me. (sounds selfish doesn't it?) I just want my life back, I want Josh's life back, I just want to be average.

Homeschooling Where?

I am posting for 2 reasons. 1. to catch up and 2. so you won't have to look at my picture anymore. I am really enjoying homeschooling. We do projects and work together. The kids actually were sad on Saturday when I told them there was no school. I was a little nervous about where to start but we are having fun and they are actually learning. Rachel is not really ready but she is getting some things and it will make it easy when she is old enough to do more. I have not started field trips but hope to this month. Ok, on to me.
Things are out of control again (did they ever stop?) Gordon was looking at houses online about 2 weeks ago and when we talked about it he wants to move. We will stay in Houston but he wants to move away from Pearland. He is so upset about the schools here and worries that if we wanted to we couldn't put the kids back in school. I am of 2 minds about it. We bought this house because Gordon wasn't working and it was what we could afford. It is definitely too small and we are on top of each other. Also, I seem to be struggling to make this house a home. The hurricane hasn't helped with the damage 1/3 of our boxes are not unpacked. There are no pictures on the walls, the kids rooms are not decorated..... We could move now and not loss any money in the deal. Maybe starting over would be good. I was not even here to pick this house, it would be nice to do that together as a family. On the flip side we have a small mortgage here, I love our ward and have made such good friends here. Also, I am tired, it is alot of work to sell and pack and move. I have reached a point that I just don't get attached to any idea. I will prepare the house to sell and pack but if it happens great, if it doesn't I am fine with that too. More than anything I just can't handle anymore disappointments. The dogs didn't breed, and it was kind of the last straw. If I don't get excited about anything I can't be disappointed either. People who have not had a child with cancer may not understand this but I am really getting nervous about the end of treatment. Once you are done you wait. And you feel helpless, there is nothing you can do to change what may come so it is very nerve racking. Maybe moving would be a good thing. It certainly would mean I would be busy and not have time to worry so much. OK, this is probably enough whining, I am sure the picture is below the line and can't be seen.