Funraisers and Fitting In

Ok, in the last year we have been invited to alot of fundraisers for children with cancer and so forth. I have not been comfortable attending any of them. I know what I am about to say sounds weird but I really felt that attending would make us one of "those families". You know, you see them on the news, they look so sad and you feel so bad for them with a sick child. However, I could not miss this one. We were invited to attend a motorcycle ride for the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation. The kids got to do a ride on bikes and I knew they would love it. It was SUPER! The girls rode in side cars and Ted and Josh got to ride on the back of some really cool motorcycles. They went on an hour ride around Houston with 600 or so bikes. When they came back there was lunch and a program where Josh got to go up on stage with the other kids with cancer and they introduced him and later he got to draw a raffle ticket where someone won a new motorcycle. It was fun, I didn't mind going at all. Gordon and I laughed, we put them on bikes with total strangers and as they were driving away I said to Gordon, do you know where they are going? He laughed and said no. The people there were so nice we weren't worried at all. It is funny to put your 3 and 4 year old on a bike with a Hells Angel and wave goodbye. I guess it is all part of our new reality, normal but definitely different. After that we drove most of the way to Austin and picked up an new dog. He is really cute. However he is very lonely and crying in the back yard so I have to go help him fit in with the girls. It was a long day but lots of fun and the kids had a blast

A Great Vacation

I am not sure where to start. We went on vacation to Gordon's Uncle's Ranch (boy that is a mouthful) and I guess I could start this blog with "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". It was a great trip and we really had a great time. However, it was a typical event for us and full of drama! First, I packed and got us out the door alone because Gordon was busy doing taxes. Then we traveled 2 hard days ride and arrived at the ranch late in the afternoon on the 2nd day. I had not slept in about 4 days and was exhausted. When I got there I made a triple batch of funeral potatoes. Then we ate and played cards till bed time. When I finally got to bed I had a panic attack. I have had a small one before but never this big. I was up all night and could not stop shaking. I kept thinking that I just wanted to go home. I think I was just so overwelmed by suddenly being out of our home and seeing people that are so important to us. They seemed so ordinary, there was hope and dreams and future plans for them. Everybody talked so casually about things. Our lives have not been like that for so long. We live every day waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only hope and dreams we have are just to get through the day. I guess when you are in the middle of it you don't realize how isolated you become and to suddenly be in the middle of "normal" is hard. Anyway, the reason I am sharing this is, in the morning when my wonderful sister-in-laws got up - instead of feeling bad they made me feel great. I didn't feel embarassed to tell them about it and after I did I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't miss Arizona but I sure miss them. I didn't feel different anymore I just felt peaceful. That afternoon I slept 5 hours and felt great when I got up. It was great to be with such special sisters and all the family. We had a great time and even the long drive home wasn't bad. (Ted threw up in the night in the hotel and the second day was rough, driving as fast a we could to get him home to rest.) Sometimes I am sad, I don't think there will ever be a normal for us but I just have to remember that I have been blessed with special sisters and I can't help but smile. (funny - writing that makes me cry) Anyway, Gordon has huge bruises from a fall from the horse and he is sore but secretly I think proud that he can still take it.( men are weird) The kids loved it and Luggable Lou got us through. That counts as a great vacation.

Calling all Insults

Ok, this has been a personally rough week. Very funny though..... I went to an endrocronologist. He thinks I have sleep apnea and when I asked why he thought that he said my tongue was too big for my mouth. I know that is a clinical finding but it really hurt. Then I was in the walmart and the sales girl saw me with all the children and asked if I was their grandmother. Ouch. Yesterday the doctors office called and told me that I was deficient. Apparently I do not have any vitamin D. They want me to start taking large doses to help. Boy my confidence is shot. Gordon was kind enough to tell me that my tongue probably got that way from over use. (talking - don't get any ideas) I turned to my mother for support about the grandma comment and she fired off an email with grandmother jokes and tips. So much for the support system! It is pretty funny. I guess that there is so much stress and tension in my life as a mom and wife that my own life is just goofy. I am still searching for mediocrity. To be average, look normal, to blend in. All of this is really funny but also pretty sad too. Most people don't get one of these let alone 3 in a week. Oh well, I will keep laughing and try not to keep looking at my tongue in mirrors.